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Washington (ASNN)– Last week the Bush White House officially dropped the ‘Stay the course’ mantra to describe US involvement in Iraq due to increased sectarian violence that has forced Bush to change tactics in Iraq.

Press Secretary Tony Snow explained to reporters that, "our tactics were all wrong...it was like amputating a leg for a toothache, fun, but not effective. So we had to change and thought the best way was to start with our motto. It wasn’t an easy decision but changing a motto can really help...look at when Transformers changed their motto in the late 1980's from ‘Transformers, more than meets the eye!’ to ‘Transformers, robots in disguise!’not only was it was a huge success, but the brainchild behind the change Alan Greenspan so impressed Reagan with this success that Reagan made him the 13^th Federal Reserve Chairman in 1987."

Now that the ‘stay the course’ catch phrase has changed the White House is in the process of finding a new way to define their approach in Iraq. Insider sources have hinted that the White House recently hired Ryan Seacrest to host a nationwide show in search of a new catch phrase to air live on the FOX Network.

Apparently, suggestions have already started flowing in according to senior producers at Fox who are currently only taking submissions from the rich and famous at present. Here are some of what they are getting:

Anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan suggested, "Leave Iraq, kill Bush."

Baseball superstar Barry Bonds suggested, "With steroids anything is possible!"

Disgraced Congressman Mark Foley suggested, "Boys, the bright hope for tomorrow."

Imprisoned former President of Iraq Saddam Hussein suggested, "Iraq...it is mine!"

Domestic Diva Martha Stewart suggested, "With some bright colors and some new drapes with embroidered flowers even a country can be remodeled."

Pope Benedict XVI offered the unusually long suggestion, "With the mercy available through the Holy Virgin herself, all resisters must be punished with the rod of God’s wrath so as to withhold the anger of the heavens and the birth of the apocalypse; which is now and presently forming on the banks of the once great river that nourished the needs of our dear father in faith, Abraham."

According to Seacrest a new motto will be chosen on Fox during his Live Thanksgiving Special aired from a "bombed and bloodstained Iraqi home in West Baghdad".

Bush and Snow announce the change in motto

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Baghdad (ASNN)– With senior court officials in the Saddam Hussein trial saying a verdict will be released on November 5^th both Hussein and his lawyers are stepping up their attacks on the prosecution to avoid a possible death sentence if convicted for the mass murder of Kurds and Shiite Muslims.

Last week Saddam aggressively attacked two key prosecution witnesses testifying about Saddam’s alleged involvement of in an attack on Kurdish villages in Northern Iraq that left thousands dead in 1988. Saddam scoffed at one witness and then during cross examination told him, "You shameful wild donkey’s ass...you are helping this vile man Bush, who I can speak English better than, aid the Zionist whores of Israel who only seek to divide the great nation of Iraq. May Allah and Mohammad, peace be upon him, roast your stomach and eat it, God willing."

After finishing with his verbal barrage on the two witnesses Saddam excused himself to go to the bathroom and reentered the court 10 minutes later wearing a pink tutu and a black leather jacket claiming his "liberation was at hand". Hussein was quickly subdued and escorted back to this cell.

Such recent questionable outbursts by Hussein over the last few months have led his gang of lawyers to announce the hiring of the infamous Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf as Saddam Hussein’s new spokesman in an effort to revamp the ex-dictators tarnished image.

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf the former Iraqi Information Minister better known by the moniker, Baghdad Bob, called a press conference on Tuesday defending the disgraced Hussein saying, "Praise be to Allah, Saddam Hussein, and the Beatles Abbey Road album...the American illusion of Saddam’s imprisonment will soon be over, God willing. Soon the colonialist Yankees will be routed once again from Baghdad in a great slaughter while their mothers and wives weep over their heathen bodies."

Despite these recent developments the Saddam Hussein trials plans to go on as scheduled.

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New York (ASNN)– Amid global concerns over North Korea’s recent nuclear tests and violence in the Middle East PETA condemned earlier this week a cockroach eating contest being run by Six Flags Theme Parks across North America.

PETA spokeswomen Jackie Vergerio told reporters, "I don’t care if North Korea obliterates the whole West Coast with nukes, just think about how history will remember a nation that kills such a kind insect that has done no harm to them. It is just a sick, sick contest and I am sure that in someway it breaks the Geneva Convention."

If Six Flags refuses to respond to PETA’s demand, Vergerio mentioned that PETA is prepared to file suit in New York against the theme park operator and pursue the case "until hell, or Donald Trump’s hair, freezes over".

Theme Park operator Six Flags held its own press conference earlier today to address the demand that PETA gave to them. Six Flags spokesman James Taylor told reporters, "Legally speaking we could have boughten some of the terror suspects from Guantanamo Bay and held contests to eat different parts of their body, so I am sure that the District Court in New York will throw out the case pretty quickly."

This recent demand by PETA is apart of their current nationwide "Cockroach Respect Week" which was started three years ago in an effort to "bring dignity back to all the arthropod races". During the first "Cockroach Respect Week" PETA attacked insecticide maker Raid for what it called a "cruel and systematic genocide" of cockroaches and last year PETA focused its efforts overseas to North Korea where it was reported dictator Kim Jong-il enjoyed watching trained cockroach battles.

Kim Jong-il reportedly told state run media outlets today that, "I am glad that PETA is not breathing down my neck anymore because I enjoy watching trained cockroach battles because it reminds me of the battle of the proletariat against the yankee bourgeois dastards of the West."

Kim Jong-il watches trained cockroaches fight

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New York (ASNN)– In his latest verbal barrage on the United States Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez claimed Wednesday on a speech to the UN General Assembly that George W. Bush was the Devil.

"Is it me or does it smell like sulfuric residue of the devil Bush," Chavez said as he started into his lambasting of Bush, "For those of you who doubt my claim that Bush is the devil let me reassure you that it is true. Last night a plethora of angels appeared in my hotel rooms signing praises to me and revealing the fact that Bush is indeed the devil."

While Chavez’s comments brought mixed reactions from the General Assembly his speech was often accompanied my nervous sounding laughs from the audience. While no official US representative was present for Chavez’s speech US ambassador to the UN John Bolton was seen briefly at the back of the room before quickly leaving.

After the speech Bolton told reporters, "First, let me tell you that officially I found Chavez’s speech to be deeply offensive and lacking true understanding of the present situation. It really pissed me off when Chavez called Bush the devil but didn’t mention anything about me...I mean I am as much a part of this imperialistic regime as anyone else...the least he could have done is mentioned me as a minion of the devil or as a high satanic priest, but no I got the shaft...diplomatically that is unacceptable."

Towards the end of his speech Chavez broke from his rhetoric briefly to give some recommended readings to the American people.

Holding up a copy of Norm Chomsky’s book "Hegemony or Survival" Chavez told the gathered General Assembly, "You Americans really need to read this book so you can understand how right I am and how wrong you are despite the fact that my country Venezuela sells most of its oil to America so I... I mean we, can be rich and America can continue to its newest form of manifest destiny across the globe."

After lauding Chomsky’s book Chavez help up a copy of an X-men comic book and also recommended the popular comic series to the America public saying, "after reading these comics any logical person will conclude like me that it is a metaphor for the fight against American imperialism...you may not know it but really the Wolverine character was created based on my life, Dr. Xavier was based on Kim Jong-Il, and Storm was based on Condoleeza Rice, even though she doesn’t realize it yet."

Chavez recommending some reading

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Washington (ASNN)– In Al-Qaida’s most recently released video recently appointed Al-Qaida spokesman to America Adam Gadahn warned of planned upcoming attacks against America to "punish it for its reliance on Alan Greenspan rather than Allah."

Also, Gadahn during his three hour tirade told of his personal journey from a stoned heavy-metal devotee to Al-Qaida spokesman.

"It was not an easy journey," Gadahn repeated many time during his personal story, "but when I finally realized that all of my friends were going to be destroyed by Allah and that I had 72 virgins waiting for me the choice became much easier...I mean who can pass up 72 virgins."

Apart from conveying his personal story and warning of upcoming Al-Qaida actions Gadahn also promised attacks against what he called "the five most heinous Zionist crusader missionaries of hate". Included in Gadahn’s list were Michael Jackson, Barry Bonds, Justin Timberlake, President Bush, and Michael Scheuer former head of the CIA unit assigned to hunt down and kill Osama bin Laden.

While the inclusion of Michael Jackson in Al-Qaida’s list was no surprise due to Jackson’s recent dealings with children and his continued support of Israel to loudly play his music during military exercises in Palestine; Barry Bonds and Justin Timberlake were both shock entries.

Gadahn explained that, "there is no way Bond’s usually large muscle mass could possibly been a gift from Allah" given the fact that when Bonds entered Major League Baseball over a decade ago he only weighted 140 pounds and had a 30 waste size. "It is clearly asserted," Gadahn explained, "according to the Quran that all steroid abusers be on the first offense suspended 50 games, on the second offense be suspended 100 games, and on the third offense be punished by disembowelment...why hasn’t Bonds been disemboweled."

Gadahn also make clear why Justin Timberlake was included in the list saying, "he is short and can’t sing well...also he is currently dating Cameron Diaz who Osama bin Laden has claimed as his 52^nd wife after recently seeing her performance in the hit comedy The Mask."

More importantly Gadahn also mentioned that, "all previous Al-Qaida videos and news releases were being compiled and are soon to be released on DVD in a major deal with Disney worth some $600 million."

Disney CEO Bob Iger told reporters, "I am excited with this new partnership with Al-Qaida Home Videos and am sure that although they are responsible for the deaths of thousands across the globe we can work together to make piles of money."

Gadahn warns the enemies of Allah